Woeful All Blacks a Disgrace

What a weekend of fun we had. Geoff C and James were in town for the first Bleddy. Friday was a lot of fun. We had a big roast dinner of lamb and potatoes and pumpkin and then some oranges for desert. All washed down with a few beers and wine. Then we played Texas Hold’Em. The girls didn’t really know how to play at the beginning but learnt quickly. I lost focus about half way through a good bottle of red and in the end Tayla (the youngest) won with an all-in bet. Then we sat down to watch the plasma (that is, show Geoff all my latest gadgets.) To be sure Geoff out did me this trip with his brand new Blackberry and a new Nokia Internet Tablet (ostensibly to control his new Lin stereo system but its also able to surf the internet, play games, chat, skype, GPS and it probably makes coffee if he had purchased the Nokia Espresso option). At least he didn’t have an iPhone!

Speaking of iPhones a couple of blokes at work have them so I am watching their experience keenly. Brother Gordon has gone quiet on it which means one of two things: 1) it is in his ample graveyard of deceased gadgets or 2) he’s found an even better gadget. Since I haven’t heard of any upgraded technology I can only assume it has bitten the dust. The iPhone looks fantastic and elegant and all that but it also looks fragile. I’m not the most careful person so I fear that the first time I drop it I am without phone. I have owned three iPods so far – all have died. One died because I spilt the remnants of a Cappuccino on it (perhaps half a teaspoon). The other one had a hard disk failure. My current one only works in one ear (and it’s not the earphones). Conclusion: Apple’s products are unreliable. For these reasons I am avoiding the iPhone for now.

But I digress.

Saturday we had a good start to the day with a decent helping of Eggs Benedict then it was off to the watch Jesse play Rooty Hill at Kingsdene oval. Jesse’s team North Rocks put up a good show but the opposition outside backs were too good. No shame in the Rocks performance and they avoided an all-in brawl which is usual fare when playing Rooty Hill.

Then it was game on. We got to “A New Zealand Stadium” (ANZ Stadium) at around 5:30pm, lined our stomachs with a Doner Kebab and then hit the Novatel for a few schooners only to be confronted with a changed format at the bar which threw us all out of whack! The band was in a different place, there weren’t any outside bars, some bars only served alco-pops and others only beer. What game plan were they up to here? Too many choices with so little time to load up.

After the initial shock I got my bearings and headed for the nearest bar. I estimated the beer queue was about two schooners and a piss long so that was a waste of time. Instead I thought we’d start with a Bourbon and Coke. Mel was happy with a Smirnoff and Ice so, kitted up with a lobster and ten I headed for the short queue at the alco-pop line. “Three bourbon-and-cokes and a Smirnoff please...” to wit the reply was “That’ll be $38.” After picking myself up off the floor running back to get more money and returning, I paid and left grumbling under my breath: That’s $9.50 per drink! Thanks to Kevin Rudd’s (Krudd) new alco-pop tax to discourage minors from binge drinking (i.e., raise tax revenue), us adults are hit with a ridiculous drinks charge. Well, needless to say we took turns taking regular sorties to the beer queue to keep us well stocked from then on.

Soon it was game time. Admittedly I was comfortable – not relaxed – but certainly comfortable. I felt that we were good enough to win. I also knew that the motivation from the Wallabies would be there with the Deans factor and their success over the tired Africans the week before would boost their confidence. Richie was still out so that was a worry. But all-in-all we should be able to win this.

Our seats were very good. Up on the second level in the member’s area so we had a pretty good view of the game.

The Aussies played very well. They defended, they took their chances and they played the right game plan. There was a bit of Crusaders influence there too. Kick high balls – give possession to the opposition – then wait for the mistake and capitalise. We on the other hand dropped the ball, didn’t adapt to the game plan against us and in the last 20 lost our cool.

Today I read in the Kiwi press that there are people saying it may have been a mistake to keep Henry on. WHAT!!!!!!???? You mean you’ve just worked that out? For goodness sakes! There is a physiological problem manifesting itself here in NZ. Do you not see the stupidity? Not only have you created a monster in Deans (how would you feel if you were rejected – you’d want to beat them at all costs) but we’ve kept a failure in Henry (and his coaching team).

As Geoff pointed out, “rotation” is still a policy. It certainly is still there. Where was Conrad Smith? And Nanoo Nanoo was back to his old tricks of not passing the ball. Sivivatu looked good on TV but at the game (where you can see the wider picture) he made a number of silly mistakes like running the ball back in when he had no support – probably directed to do so by Henry and his flawed game plan.

I keep seeing this repeating factor in the AB game – making the same mistakes. No plan B. Panicking when we have plenty of time to win. 50-50 passes when they weren’t necessary.

Now it has occurred to me that Henry is a School Principal. I recall from my school days that the Principal is never wrong – it’s the principle you see. Perhaps Henry simply cannot admit he’s wrong and can’t adjust a game plan half way through because that would admit he was wrong. Perhaps the team is so bereft of IQ that they can’t figure out that what they’re doing is not working so why not try something new? When they could see that running it back was not working why didn’t they start kicking for the touchline? When they could see they were using up all their enery attacking and getting nowhere, why did they not kick for territory?

Geoff pointed out that they would go for a drop goal to put them further in front than a converted try and…they did it. And as Robbie ‘Dingo’ Deans said afterwards they had anticipated that this would make the ABs panic. It worked. Out came the crazy “Islander rugby” with its 50-50 passes that never stick and every player thinking they were in a seven’s game. Awful to watch my beloved team disintegrate like that. Where were the cool heads? There was plenty of time to win and it was time to start playing careful structured rugby but oh no, we went for broke from inside our 22 with the inevitable result that we got isolated and turned over by an Aussie team that are far too good at defending to be beaten like that.

I can recall in the late 80’s a wonderful Bledisloe Cup game played in Brisbane in which Fitzy’s team were 20 odd points behind as we went into the final 15 minutes. There was no panicking back in those days. They stuck to their knitting and eventually we won the game. Where is that level headedness under pressure? Where is that determination? The current team needs to view that video and soak up the way the ABs were not frazzled right to the very end.

Auckland will be a consolation prize. The Wallabies are expecting to lose and I doubt we will disappoint like we did in Sydney. I am almost of the opinion that perhaps the best solution is that the All Blacks lose in Auckland so that the Henry era can die off quickly and we can start rebuilding sooner rather than later.

I am not saying “the Wallabies were too good on the night” , they weren't. I am saying “the All Blacks were too bad on the night.”

All Black Score out of 10: 0
Wallaby Score out of 10: 8

Australia vs. South Africa GAME REVIEW

An interesting game with some well constructed play. The usual Wallybee style of back and forth across the ground to build an overlap before they strike for the line. It was just too much for the Boks to take.

Of course you read it here first that the Boks were a possibility to drop this game and really, the reality is that that’s exactly what they did. The game wasn’t as full on as the two All Black tests by any means. Boks were up to their usual dirty off-the-ball stuff with a few cheap shots in the rucks too. Tackling the defenders off the ball is now a confirmed strategy of the Yarpies to break the defense. These new “assistant refs” really need to start policing this area especially since it has now happened in three games in a row by the one team. In the end the month away from home was too much on top of the two very hard games in NZ.

A good confidence builder for the Aussies prior to the Bleddy this weekend. In fact the Aussies have had a good build up - gradually harder games until this weekend when they get to the main game.

Positives for us:

· Mortlock is out – clearly the best centre in the world

· Tahu or other Leaguie at centre will mean they don’t pass and go for the hit up which could stifle their across the ground moves

Negatives for us:

· Top build up for the Aussies

· Aussies will have good confidence boost beating the Yarpies

· We still don’t have Richie back and that was the edge missing in Dunedin (although he may yet play)

My prediction: Too close to call. Whatever the result there won’t be much in it.

Global Warming

Today's headline in the Telegraph gave me the shits:

Electricity up 16 per cent and gas 9 per cent to tackle climate change

OK, so I am going to have to pay bucket loads more to "someone" because of Global Warming. What if Global Warming was a hoax?

I recall when I was a kid in the 70's the hysteria about the coming ice age! It was in the news and books were being written and I recall at the time bring worried. Its a pity not many people seem to remember this.

Now the latest thing to be scared shitless about is Global Warming. Unlike terrorism which won't last long enough to keep us scared this Global Warming thing can last the distance!

Global Warming is a hoax, in that, if it even exists over the long term, it is not anthropological by any means. The earth cooled from the period of 1940's to the 70's (hence the ice age predictions in the 70's). The earth has been warming ever since and stopped in the late 90's and has been cooling again. You won't hear any of this in the news because governments and commercial interests don't want you to know. Carbon Credits is a wonderful new business (with the private banks positioning to be the houses that trade them) and the opportunity to tax the hell out of us is simply too good an opportunity to be lost for governments.

The environment is in serious trouble I agree but stopping CO2 (which, by the way, is also plant food) is just a joke and a waste of time - the CO2 in the atmosphere, aside from being a very good gas and necessary for life, is controlled by the sea and sun activity - not by us.

This paper and this paper are peer reviewed and will give you an inside view of the mis-information the IPCC et al have been peddling.

How about we spend the money on better environmental works like tree planting, river cleaning and green power generation? How about preventing big business from off-shoring their dirty polluting factories to third world nations? How about forcing our trading partners to have the same environmental standards we force on our own companies?

No, carbon credits and trading is being zealously pushed because its another Enron-style way of making money out of you and me. Easy to implement, brings in bags of money and you don't actually have to do anything much.

Who votes for these people?

All Blacks vs. South Africa - GAME 2 REVIEW

On Friday I went to a lunch courtesy of IBM. It was a rugby lunch for the Sydney Breast Cancer Foundation.

The highlight of course was a live interview with Robbie “Dingo” Deans. On stage was Deans with Phil Kearns asking the questions. Later there were questions from the audience of 99% Wallybee supporters. The wine was great and the company good despite being behind enemy lines.

Without boring you with the details I can tell you that Dean’s heart is most definitely still with the All Blacks and God’s country. The body language and the tone of his voice gave it away. He wanted that AB coach’s job and he still wants it. He knows he’s got second prize but it is a good motivator for him. One telling question was that he was asked what it will feel like to play the All Blacks in two weeks time? He said it would feel like playing his brother in the backyard of Cheviot as a child. Something for all of us to think about.

Friday aside, it wasn’t the best build up to an All Black test this year and let me tell you why.

I had a BBQ to go to on Saturday afternoon starting around 2pm. I had calculated the trip time and signalled to Melinda that the start of the game was 5:30pm which meant we had to leave the barbie at 4:45pm at the latest. No problems she said, Hossie (the host) has Foxtel so you can watch the game there if it drags on. This was very worrisome for many reasons: what if he doesn’t have Foxtel – you know how women get confused by technical things, what if he doesn’t have a decent TV and I have to watch it on a 52cm old-style telly? What if I am not allowed to sit there and ignore the party and enjoy my rugby? What if the kids are screaming and carrying on all around me and I am distracted at key moments in the game? What if I break the tradition of being in front of the 50” Plasma beer in hand barracking for the All Blacks? What if a kid walks in front of the telly? (Not my kids who know to crawl along the floor when passing by, but untrained feral ones?)

We got to the BBQ a little late at 2:30pm but still a respectable time. It was good to see Hossie and he had put on a fantastic spread of meat and salads etc. His house is great with all these nick knacks, a pool room and fireplaces as well as a great entertaining deck. I quickly did a recon to verify said Foxtel installation just in case we weren’t able to depart at 4:45pm (looking very sus considering it was about 4:45pm that the early dinner was scheduled). I eyed off the local RSL (RSA) club which is conveniently located about 200 metres from his house. It will have a Foxtel on a Plasma for sure I think to myself, in fact, if I can swing it that might be the better venue away from kids, a place to concentrate, a place to enjoy my rugby unfettered by my fatherly responsibilities. A place to anonymously yell and scream at the telly with impunity. A place at which other Kiwis might be hanging out. Certainly a place that may have a Yarpie to wind up.

My wistful musings aside, I spotted the Foxtel unit in record time and relaxed to go and enjoy the party. Today it was my turn to drive and since I was scheduled to go fishing at 5:15am with my good friend Marky Mark in the morning I felt this was a compromise I was happy to make. Melsy got stuck into it to cut off any opportunity for me to escape the driving responsibilities so I settled down for a slow-paced couple of beers and some games of pool. Mel’s brother Clayton arrived with his tribe and the party was on!

I checked my watch at 4:45pm (the last possible departure time) assessed the lie of the land and decided this was where it was all going to happen tonight. Time to make doubly sure that the technology was in place to affect the evening’s entertainment. I switched on the telly much to Melinda’s dismay “you can’t watch TV now the game’s not even on yet”. Brushing my future wife aside, I grabbed the Foxtel remote and jabbed at the buttons until I got to the right channel…….and….WHAT….signal blocked! Reeling with shock, I quickly regained my composure whilst calculating the last possible moment I can leave to walk to the RSL and catch the Haka, when I ask Hossie in a measured tone…”Do you get Foxtel 3?”. Hossie aware of my interest in All Black Rugby assured me that this is his bother’s Foxtel subscription and if he doesn’t have it then Hossie definitely does!” I said, “Your brother doesn’t so let’s start working on plan B”. Well Hossie is a man of action and efficiency. Within 5 minutes we had Fox Sports 3 on and ready to go. Phew! Disaster avoided. I smile at Melsy and remind her why I checked 45minutes prior to kick-off. She smiled at me and reminded me how I forgot to tape the game at home. Touche.

The game was a good one and, despite a rookie ref who should have reminded himself of Umaga’s comments that “this is not tiddly winks”, managed to barely acquit himself of a crap performance. His dismal performance aside, the game at times managed to get some flowing rugby going and in the end I think the Boks could almost claim that they got the short straw with the ref. Matfield’s send off was about as lame as the other head highs.

My summation is that the All Blacks played well and took the right options. The Yarpies played better and mostly took the right options and missed a few kicks. I think Dan Carter only missed one kick in the game. The Yarpies were good on defence and the All Blacks took the kicks at the right time. Synopsis: Yarpies to good.

Above all, I am happy with this loss for the following reasons: 1) You can’t win them all and this was a respectable loss; 2) the Yarpies are the WORLD CHAMPS and had their A team on the field and played their A game this week, and; 3) the All Blacks look to be maturing as a side and making the right decisions. I really do think that they mostly took the right decisions to kick or go for the line. They didn’t do the Ali Williams “we score tries” silliness. Also, we lost three top players either before or early on with Ali.

All of the above gives me a medium level of confidence going into the first Bledisloe Cup match in Sydney in two weeks time. Not enough to give odds or a start, but enough to take a modest bet J

The South Africans may drop the Perth test because they’ve been travelling for a month by the time they leave Perth and they’ve played two hard tests in NZ. However, on the positive side for SA, they are playing in Perth where Krugerrands are as good as Aussie dollars in the shops. They will have plenty of hometown support at Subiaco.

Ahhhhh, Rugby………

All Blacks vs. South Africa - GAME 1 REVIEW

On Saturday I slept in after having a few beers with Mel and my mates at the Union as we often do on a Friday night. There was the usual banter I've come to expect from my Aussie mates. I got "Dingo Deans", "Aussie Robbie" and of course my favourite "we got the Coach the NZRFU rejects". All fun boys until the first Bleddy then its GAME ON! They really think they have the kibosh on us so it will be all the more sweet when we dick them in a few weeks, and if we don't it will have been because they are coached by a Kiwi.

So on Saturday morning after a massive heart-starting fry-up, I donned my All Black jersey for the first time since the debacle of the RWC2007 . It felt good to be back in black and spiritually aligned again. It has been a difficult seven months of soul searching including searching for a new sport to follow. I checked out AFL but they ponce around in tight shorts and and their shirts have no sleeves so how do they hold on in the scrum? I checked out NRL but every 5 tackles they seem to do one of: A) a grubber kick, B) a bomb or C) give it to the other side to play with.....how dumb is it to give away possession like that without a fight? I checked out tennis but there's no teams. I checked out soccer but they're all homos. I checked them all out but nothing is as good as Rrrrrugby. But I digress....

After brekky, Mel forced me to hit the shops but it was a good way to clear the fog in my head because you get lead around from shop to shop day dreaming and you only have to grunt every so often that you like or don't like something or other. Occasionally you have to appear interested to avoid being chastised for not "being there" which of course you're not cause you left most of your brain with the 10 schooners you had the night before. I had my eyes peeled I didn't see any nods, scorn or hear any comments on my All Black jersey. Nothing....all quiet here....perhaps they don't know the All Blacks are playing the WORLD CHAMPIONS tonight?? Surely they know.....surely. Seriously though, shopping sucks big time and only keeps me from other more interesting activities like watching rugby. I was nervously checking my watch as the time approached......4:30pm and we were still out and about! Time for drastic action...out comes the credit card...buy buy buy...to get this over with.

Fortunately we got home in time for the game which of course was setup to record anyway but that's not the point as Jesse tells me - "you gotta watch the game live, even delayed is just wrong." I took his advice and was positioned in front of the Plasma with a hair of the dog in time to see the anthems and kick off.

OK, so the Yarpies came seriously thinking they could win this match. Seems the All Blacks came seriously thinking they were going to win the match too. And we got a great game. One of the best in a long while. Remember the Yarpies are the world champs and their team was pretty much the cup side albiet with a under-done Victor Matfield. But we didn't have Richie either. Both sides were totally committed. We are showing the maturity now that was missing in the RWC. Each possible kick was taken. If the attack wasn't going anywhere we took good options. All Blacks playing like this cannot be beaten.

There were too many performances to single one out. The rucks were positively dangerous with Boers coming in off their feet like Exocet missiles - beautiful to watch, especially because the Mighty All Blacks hit back with the same or better. Of course man-of-the-match Brad Thorn was brilliant (and lucky to avoid the yellow card). I think the early fights were just what the doctor ordered. It set the tone and sent the very clear message that the ABs were not to be messed with tonight.

Well done All Blacks and as I sat there enjoying the match after glow I looked down at the silver fern logo on my chest and remembered the glory years of Sean "Fitzy" Fitzpatrick, Zinzan "zinny" Brook and Frank Bunce.....those were the days and if this team plays like this consistently it will be "these are the days" again.

Finally, satisfaction after seven months of living hell.

Then I watched the Wobbilies play France in a ho-hum performance against lame opposition. Why do they bother sending these teams down here? The only reason Chabal (caveman) was in the team was for marketing purposes. His last first class game was the match we don't mention.

But there was an absolute gem at the end of the night which only a hardened NZ AB supporter would see due to the lateness. The after match comments from Aussie Robbie were priceless. He looked positively scared. He had seen about 20 minutes of the ABs game and said his boys will have to lift two levels to beat them. You bet! Bring them on!

The Squirrel and Grasshopper - THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION

I was sent this in an email and thought it politcally incorrect enough to warrant posting here.

THE REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END